


to boldly go

by KyloTrashForever



Series: Oneshots [35]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ben Writes Fan Fiction, Ben Writes Spirk Porn, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Loss of Virginity, Virgin Ben Solo, mentions of Spirk, poorly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 00:57:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20844911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloTrashForever/pseuds/KyloTrashForever
Summary: “I’m Rey, by the way.”His grin widens, and it should probably be illegal, what it does to her. “Ben.”She sneaks a glance over at the screen—and her smile turns down as she reads what he has written there, snapping her head away before he can catch her. She takes in his embarrassed flush and his nervous behavior, and she can’t for the life of her figure out why on earth he’s writing about afully erect penis.Rey thinks to herself that this isexactlywhy she doesn’t people watch.In which Ben should be more careful where he writes his smut.





	to boldly go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katieitsmee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieitsmee/gifts).

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KATIE WHO IS ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST SPOTS IN THE FANDOM! Your yeeting and your garbled comments and your overall happy spirit is one of my favorite things Reylo has given me. Bless you (and Ali, I have to mention) for introducing me to the wonders of Spirk, and bless you for writing porn in a crowded coffee shop and getting my gears turning. I hope your day is as wonderful as you are!

  


* * *

Rey isn’t normally one to people watch.

For one, the coffee shop is usually far too busy, being located just around the corner from the campus, but for another—Rey really just… doesn’t care for people. Not that she _ hates _them or anything, it’s just that people have a way of letting you down, and Rey has long since learned that it’s easier to just stick to herself when at all possible. 

Less of a headache, really. 

So it’s odd that she notices him come in, or maybe it isn’t—considering he’s nearly as big as the room, but she notices him all the same. Long legs, long arms, long nose—but other things, too. Like soft hair, a full mouth, a chest wide enough to row across an ocean on… she _ definitely _notices him. 

His eyes sweep the room with an anxious expression, scanning the filled seats pressed against the wall before finally warily taking in the one open table smack-dab in the center of the room. She watches him sigh as he folds himself into the chair (the chairs have never seemed too small until he used one), not even bothering to come to the counter. He’s not even going to buy anything? 

He pulls a laptop from his bag, glancing over each of his shoulders as if gauging the distance between himself and anyone behind him, and then he leans over the screen in a way that might block whatever is there from view. 

_ That’s interesting. _

She finds herself stealing glances at him _ a lot _in the next half hour—wondering what it is that he’s typing that could have his brow knitted like that. Wondering why he still hasn’t come to the counter to buy anything. Wondering why she gets flustered when he brushes his too-long hair behind a too-large ear that she sort of finds adorable. 

_ Why hasn’t he come to the counter yet? _

She finally does something she hasn’t done in all of her eight months working at the shop—leaving the safe space behind the counter and venturing out into the main area to _ check _on the customers. She plays it cool, not going directly to his table but instead checking with others along the way—taking their trash, asking if they need anything else, whatever inane thing she can think of as she mentally calculates the steps between herself and where she actually wants to go—finally coming to rest beside his little table where he doesn’t seem to notice her right away. 

She has to resort to clearing her throat, making him startle a little as his face turns up in surprise and his hands immediately push the laptop askew so that the screen is less visible. Odd, since she couldn’t even really see it to begin with. What is he writing on that thing?

“Yes?”

_ Oh, she likes his voice. _

“You haven’t bought anything.”

He looks down at the table in confusion as if he’s just now realizing himself. “Oh. Right. Is that a problem?”

It’s not, it’s _ really _not—but Rey decides a little white lie won’t hurt. “Yeah. You have to buy something to use the WiFi.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, let me just—” He closes just laptop, moving to stand, but she holds out a hand. 

“I can get it for you,” she offers, wondering just who the fuck she even is anymore. “What would you like?”

“Oh.” His brow furrows in thought. “Just… a coffee?”

“Okay… what kind?”

He looks as if she’s asked him the meaning of life. “I don’t know. I don’t really drink coffee.”

She can’t help it. She laughs. “You’re sort of in the wrong place then.”

The ear that is still on display turns pink, and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t have a flickering urge to touch it. 

“I know,” he mumbles. “The WiFi at my apartment went out, and this was the closest place…”

She cocks her head, studying him before she finally nods. “I guess I’ll just have to pick for you.”

He looks at her as if he’s still trying to puzzle out why she’s here talking to him—dazedly reaching in his pocket for what she assumes is his wallet before she stops him.

“First one is on me,” she tells him. “Especially since you might hate it.”

He still looks thoroughly confused, and she knows the feeling, if she’s being honest. She doesn’t do this. Doesn’t flirt with customers (is that what she’s doing here?), hardly even _ talks _to them unless she absolutely has to. So what makes this guy so special?

She leaves him still staring at her like she has two heads—making her way back behind the counter to make him something that he hopefully won’t hate. She takes a minute to really think about what she wants to bring him, then sets about throwing something together when an idea strikes her. 

“Did I just watch you _ venture _out beyond the counter and offer someone a free drink?”

Rey doesn’t turn around, knowing she’ll find a smirk on Poe’s face that will make her want to elbow him. “Nope.”

“Because that’s what it sort of looked like.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

“So, what are you making there?”

“None of your business.”

“Oh, wow. Is this what it looks like when Rey is attracted to someone?”

“Am not.”

“I mean, he _ is _a good looking guy,” Poe muses, his tone teasing. “If I weren’t happily in lust with Finn I might just—”

“Finish that sentence, and I’ll dump this on you.”

Poe just laughs as he moves away, and Rey rolls her eyes at the machine in front of her. She can’t exactly call Poe a friend, more like… the boyfriend of the only person who has ever wanted to put up with her mood swings for an extended period of time. He’s also technically her _ boss, _ being the shop manager—but that doesn’t mean she _ wouldn’t _dump this drink on him if he got too intolerable. Probably.

She cuts her eyes across the shop, noticing that Ears has already returned his full attention to whatever he’s working on. She thinks to herself it must be something important for school—with the way he’s staring at it so intently. When she brings his drink to him minutes later, she tells herself she definitely _ isn’t _nervous about whether or not he’ll like it.

He stares down at the chocolate drizzle over the espresso. “What’s this?”

“Hazelnut Mocha Coconut Milk Macchiato.”

His nose wrinkles, and she thinks to herself it’s not as large as she first thought, or maybe she just doesn’t mind as much now. She’s very confused about all of the odd things she’s feeling right now. 

He looks like he’d rather drink toilet water than what she’s brought him—but he dutifully reaches for the cup to tentatively bring it to his mouth. She doesn’t miss the way his full mouth curves around the rim, and that’s distracting too, she thinks. She’s finding a lot of things about him distracting. 

He looks surprised after he takes a sip, giving her a sheepish expression and a little smile that makes her stomach flip. “It’s actually good.”

“I’m a professional.” She nods seriously. “I’m Rey, by the way.”

“Ben.” His grin widens, and it should probably be illegal, what it does to her. She swallows thickly as he sets down the cup, noticing his hair has fallen back over his ear and resisting the urge to tuck it back again. 

“Reminds me a little of Nutella.”

She gives another distracted nod. “You looked like a nut man.”

His eyes widen a little, and it’s not really what she’d even intended to say (not that she knows what she _ actually _intended to say—she was too busy eyeing his mouth at this point), but the flush that is too-evident against his pale skin sort of makes it worth it. He looks down at his drink again, reaching for it to bring it back to his mouth for another sip, and in his distraction she notices that his laptop is fully turned to her view and that he isn’t paying attention to it in the slightest. 

She sneaks a glance over at the screen—the last line easily visible with the brightly lit display. Her smile turns down as she reads what he has written there, snapping her head away before he can catch her. He gives her another grin from his cup as he offers a quiet thank you, and Rey’s mind is reeling now. She takes in his embarrassed flush and his nervous behavior, and she can’t for the life of her figure out why on earth he’s writing about a _ fully erect penis. _

As she returns back to the safety of behind the counter—Rey thinks to herself that this is _ exactly _why she doesn’t people watch.

* * *

She doesn’t see him for two days, but then again, she doesn’t work again for two days. She spots him sitting against the wall this time (who can blame him, with his penis dissertation), and she wonders if he’s been there every day since she last saw him. He’s wearing all black today, and on anyone else she might think this some nauseating move of the misunderstood agenda, but on him… 

She cant even help the way she gravitates towards his table. 

She taps her nails at the edge, making him jolt a little (he’s really jumpy this one)—offering him a smile that makes him blush. 

She’s finding she _ really _ likes it when he blushes. 

“WiFi still out?”

He closes his laptop just a little (she still doesn’t blame him), nodding back at her. “Apparently they can’t get a technician out until next week.”

“Bummer.” She doesn’t really think it’s a bummer, at least not for her. She tilts her head towards his laptop. “Paper for school? You have to be a senior, right? I haven’t seen you on campus.”

“Ah… I’m usually in the lab.”

This piques her interest, maybe that would explain the penis. “Biology?” 

His brow knits. “No… physics.”

_ Smart guy, _ she thinks. _ Doesn’t explain the penis, though. _

“So… what _ have _you been working on so intently?”

She can _ just _ make out the tips of his ears peeking out of his hair—and she is… _ very _ interested in the way they turn a little pink. 

“Nothing important,” he mutters. “Just a hobby.”

She thinks that raises more questions than it answers, and she’s just opening her mouth to tell him so when Poe’s voice distracts her.

“Rey! You going to work today or…?

She waves him off, casting an apologetic look in Ben’s direction. “Back to the grind I guess.”

“Ha.” He shakes his head. “Grind.”

She beams at him. “Exactly. Maybe if you’re still around on my break I’ll buy you another drink.”

_ Cue ear blush. _ She wonders where else he turns pink. He just nods shyly, and she flounces away—only wondering a _ little _ what sort of hobby entails writing about _ fully erect penises. _

* * *

He _ is _ still there when she goes on break later, and she can’t help but wonder if that’s because of her. She caught him looking at her more than once throughout the first half of her shift (between his devoted staredowns with the screen of his laptop, that is), and every time she would grin at him from across the shop, he would blush and avert his eyes as if he was _ confused _as to why she would be looking back at him.

She gets the sense Ben isn’t quite aware of how he looks—and he looks… _ good. _His is a face that only gets more interesting the longer you look at it. His features are those that you don’t want to look away from. It makes for a very distracted shift.

But her break finally comes, and true to her word—she sits down across from him at the little table, sliding the same drink he’d enjoyed so much over to him as he bites back a grin. “I’m going to be in permanent debt to you if you keep this up.”

She waves him off. “It’s not a big deal. I get a discount anyway.”

“Still.” He brings the cup to his lips, and she thinks watching this happen is payment enough. 

A thought strikes her then. “You could pay me back by telling me what you’re working on.”

His eyes go a little wide, his hand stilling just in front of his face where he holds the cup. “What?”

“I’m so curious. You look so… _ into _it.”

He sets down his cup, looking thoroughly embarrassed. “It’s nothing, really.”

She wishes his blatant dodging didn’t make her _ more _curious—but it’s becoming her life’s mission to know. She pushes away from her chair, and he watches her in surprise as she moves around the table to the little attached booth—sliding in next to him. He’s too thrown at first to realize his laptop is open to her gaze, and she catches sight of an open Twitter page before he catches himself and slams it shut. 

“_Spirktastic69?” _His hand grips the closed laptop, knuckles turning white. “Is that you? What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” The bit of ear his hair doesn’t quite cover is _ flaming _now. “It’s nothing.”

“Hey,” she soothes. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me. I’m just being nosy. You’re just always _ concentrating _so hard when I watch you.”

He perks up a little. “Watching me?”

“Well, yeah.” She grins, liking the way he acts as if this is preposterous. He _ really _doesn’t see his own appeal. “I don’t buy drinks for just anyone.”

_ She didn’t buy drinks for anyone at all before him—but he doesn’t need to know that. _

“Oh.” His grip on his laptop relaxes, his lips clenching together in a nervous gesture that she finds just as adorable as everything else about him. “Girls don’t usually… watch me.”

“Seems like their loss to me.” _ God, she might have a blush fetish. _“So, I’m off Friday.”

His brow cocks, a puzzled expression passing over his features. He really _ doesn’t _do this often, does he?

“What?”

Her lips curl. “It just seems like you’re never going to ask me out, so I thought I’d do it myself.”

He nearly drops his coffee. “You want me to ask you out?”

“That’s sort of the endgame here, yes.”

“Are you sure?”

She outright laughs. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Because you… look like you do, and I…” He trails off, waving a hand down the length of himself as if this is explanation. 

She wants to finish the sentence with _ make her want to know what’s under that math club shirt— _but she thinks she needs to go easy on him. 

“I’m sure, Ben. I have WiFi at my place, too, you know.”

She might as well have just told him she’s got a second head growing out of her hip, for the look he gives her, and for the life of Rey—she can’t figure out why she finds this particularly quiet penis enthusiast so appealing, but she does. She _ absolutely _does. 

“I—yes? If you’re sure. I would like that. I’m free Friday, too.”

“Great.” She pulls a pen from her apron, grabbing the napkin on the table and writing her number down. “Text me later.”

He’s still looking at her in a bit of a daze, and she thinks to herself that his parted mouth begs to be kissed—but they’ll get to that. The clock on the wall reveals her break is practically over, and she slides out of the booth to return to the counter before Poe starts in on her. 

Ben leaves before her shift is done, giving her a shy wave as he packs up his laptop and shuffles out—and she smiles when her phone dings minutes later, an unknown number flashing across the screen. 

**Hi, this is Ben from the coffee shop, you asked me to text you… I hope that’s still okay.**

Even his texts are adorable. 

She thinks Friday can’t get here fast enough. 

“Why are you smiling at your phone like a weirdo?”

She doesn’t turn around, not having any desire to catch Poe’s smirk. “None of your business.”

“Did you get that boy’s number?”

“Also none of your business.”

“So testy.”

“I’m surprised you got his number. Don’t most of the kids just tweet each other now-a-days?”

Rey rolls her eyes, turning then to remind him he’s _ only _three years older than her and Finn—when a thought strikes her. She brushes past Poe instead, ducking into the bathroom and pulling up Twitter. 

_ What was the username again? _

She can’t recall the year at the end, but the word stands out in her mind. She swaps over to google, plugging in _ spirktastic _ and getting a lot of mixed results, but the primary one of _ Spirk _stands out amongst the rest. 

She clicks a link for a wikipedia subpage of _ shipping wiki— _browsing through the article in hopes for some sort of clue. 

_ Spirk is the slash ship between James T. Kirk and Spock from the Star Trek fandom. _

Her brow furrows. What is a slash ship? She clicks the hyperlink there, browsing that next. She spends at least ten minutes too long in the bathroom perusing various links and descending down a rabbit hole, and by the end of it—she’s left more confused than when she started.

She mentally connects the dots between _ fully erect penis _ and _ spirk slash ship—_and suddenly she has a pretty good idea as to what Ben has been working on so intently.

She finds herself more curious than ever.

* * *

Guilt begins to creep in by Thursday—feeling the full weight of how much she invaded his privacy by digging around for answers. She placates herself with the knowledge that she didn’t snoop his actual _ Twitter—_but a snide voice inside whispers that she might have if she could remember the handle. Either way, by the end of the first half of her shift Thursday, she can’t help but feel like she should confess. Convenient, since the author in question has been hanging out at the shop all afternoon. 

She’s nervous when she plops down in the seat beside him on her break, something she still isn’t quite used to. He closes his laptop as is customary by this point—but offers her a wide grin that is much less so. 

“Hey.”

She leans on her elbow. “Hey. Working hard?”

He averts his eyes, shrugging. “Oh, you know…”

_ She does, unfortunately. _

“You still want to hang out tomorrow, right?”

His jaw works subtly, his lips twitching as if he’s trying his best not to break out into another happy grin. “Yeah. If you do.”

She’s stalling, she realizes. She’s afraid of what he will say when he finds out she went digging around. She clears her throat, circling the tip of her finger around on the wooden surface of the table. “We could watch a movie, if you wanted.”

“That would be fun. Any preferences?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” _ Just do it, you coward. “_...I’ve never seen Star Trek.”

Ben goes completely still, and she’s too afraid to look up at him just yet. She knows he knows, he _ has _to—and she waits with bated breath for his reaction. 

His voice is quiet when he finally speaks. “How did you find out?”

She continues to draw a circular pattern on the table with her finger. “I… googled your twitter name. I saw it on your screen the other day.”

“Fuck.” He groans. “You looked at my twitter?”

“No, no,” she assures him. “I couldn’t remember the whole name. Just the Spirk part. That paired with the _ fully erect penis _I saw on your screen that first day—”

She has to look at him then, when she hears his head thunk against the table. “Oh, _ god. _You saw that?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

He takes a deep breath. “Listen, I don’t… normally do this.”

“Do what? Write slash porn?” She has to admit, she’s a little proud she remembers the term. 

“No.” Even with the weird conversation, she wants to touch that pink bit of ear peeking through his hair. “Not at all. I mean, I _ do _ write fan fiction… but this was… an experiment. An anon asked me to try writing… _ this _ kind of fan fiction… and I just… _ fuck.” _

She only understood half of what he just said, but she’s nodding back at him anyway. “Hey. I’m sorry. I told you I’m nosy. I just got so curious, and I…” She takes a deep breath. “I don’t care, by the way. I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about.”

He perks up a little. “You don’t?”

“Not really. I mean, everyone has a hobby. This is a hell of a lot more interesting than my rock collection.”

“You have a rock collection?”

“No, but you see my point.”

He laughs a little then. “I just love the dynamic between them, but I don’t think I’m cut out for this.”

“Do you always…” She frowns as she tries to recall the word. “...ship dudes?”

He shrugs. “I mean, I don’t know. This is the only fandom I’m really active in. I just think it makes sense. Classic enemies to friends to lovers. They’re so obviously in tune with one another and every time one of them saves the others life it seems that they—” He flushes, realizing he’s getting carried away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re sort of adorable when you get worked up.”

She wonders just how far his blush spreads. “I just think they make sense. That’s all.”

She nods like she actually knows what he’s talking about. “Could I read some?”

His eyebrows shoot up. “You want to… read some?”

“Sure.” She shrugs. “I read sometimes. Maybe I could help. What’s the scene?”

She’s never really seen a shade of red like the one currently coloring his cheeks. “It’s… well. I don’t know. I just—”

“You don’t have to let me read it,” she laughs. “It’s totally okay.”

“No, I don’t mind, it’s just… I don’t know. If you’re sitting here right next to me…”

“Maybe you could email it to me? I’ll read it after work.”

She sees him wringing his hands in his lap. “You’re sure it isn’t weird? What if you don’t—” His jaw tenses. “What if you don’t want to hang out after?”

She has no idea when she developed a kink for this adorably nervous behavior—but she wants to do all _ sorts _of things to him then. She settles for letting her hand curl just over his thigh beneath the table, taking him by surprise when she leans in to press her lips to his cheek. He touches the place where her mouth just was when she pulls away, staring back at her in shock. 

“I will _ definitely _still want to hang out. I promise. You have to show me what this Spirk business is about, right?”

His smile is slow, and then wide, and then _ brilliant— _and it takes just about everything she has not to kiss him a little more thoroughly. The clock shows that her break is long over though, and she tells him she’ll text him her email before her shift is over. He informs her he has to get going anyway, and she feels a little better about her sleuthing now than she did before she spoke to him. 

She isn’t sure if she’s excited or terrified to read porn written by the adorable physics major that she is pretty sure she wants to date regularly. It’s not something she ever thought she’d be doing in a million years—but when he responds to her texted email later, his response delayed and clipped and dripping with the nervous energy he exudes and she gobbles up like candy—she finds that either way, she can’t wait to get off work.

* * *

This is the third time she’s read this scene. 

She got through it once after work the night before, and re-read again once this morning, and she finds herself yet _ again _ skimming over the word doc Ben had sent her. She’d told him she’d give him an opinion when he came over tonight, but at this point—she doesn’t know exactly what to _ say. _

Ben is adorable, and sweet, and she’s thought about the way his t-shirts hug him more than once… but Ben is… _ not _a porn writer. 

She can’t even pinpoint what exactly is so _ wrong _ about it. The story itself is an enjoyable read, and even the buildup _ to _the actual bit of smut is solid—but the minute these two get their clothes off… something odd happens. 

She sees now why he couldn’t talk about the scene when they’d been together—she doesn’t think she’d be keen on looking someone she wanted to date in the eye and admitting she was writing a blow job scene either—but being a guy you’d think he wouldn’t have such a problem with this. Ben actually uses the phrase _ nibbles down his shaft _ at one point. She has _ never _ had a guy ask her to _ nibble down his shaft _ . Not that she’s done this for a _ multitude _ of guys or anything, but still. Is this what Ben is into? 

She’s been trying to puzzle it out for nearly twenty-four hours. He’s due to arrive any time now, and for the life of her, she has no idea how to give feedback on this. 

She’s _ still _ trying to puzzle it out when a knock finally sounds at her door, closing the document on her phone and shooting up from her couch in a rush. He’s still the same Ben she’s gotten to know—tall, slightly too big, fidgeting a little—but now she’s looking at him with new eyes. 

She takes in his shy grin and the way he toys with the hem of his shirt, and it’s an enigma, why he would be so bad at a venture he should have inside knowledge on. She ushers him inside as he looks around, directing him to the couch. 

“I rented the newer one, if that’s okay? I just don’t know if I could handle Shatner on my first try.”

He laughs. “It’s fine. I love Quinto’s Spock.”

“Good.” She fiddles with the remote for a bit before noticing how far away Ben is sitting, and she pats the space next to her in invitation. He sidles over next to her like she’s holding a rattlesnake, and again his overall nervous behavior has her curious. She finds the streaming app for movie, holding off before she hits play. “So I read it.”

He looks down at his shoes. “Oh?”

“Mhm.”

“What did you think?”

“Honestly?”

He looks wary, but nods anyway. “Yeah.”

She decides she might as well rip off the bandaid. Get it over with. “It was… well… the mechanics of it were a little off.”

His ears immediately turn a shade darker. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” she offers. “Maybe it’s just harder to write about it than to actually… well, you know.”

He turns his head to give her a confused look. “No?”

Now it’s _ her _turn to be embarrassed. “Than uh, actually getting one, I guess.”

He stares down into his lap pointedly, his hands gripping his knees. “Sure.”

“Don’t be mad.” She turns to place a hand between his shoulder blades. “The writing is great! It’s just… _ that _scene that reads a little weird.”

“Yeah. I knew I should have just stuck to M ratings.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” She rubs her hand in a circular motion over his back, as much for her own benefit as his. He’s so _ firm. _“I’m sure it’s just harder to write it out than actually do it.”

Ben snorts out a laugh, the sound almost self-deprecating, shaking his head.

Rey is still so afraid she’s upset him. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You can tell me.”

“It’s nothing, Rey.”

“Come on, you can—”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“What?”

He’s still gripping his knees, his jaw tight and his ears bright red. “I wouldn’t know. If it’s different.”

She stares at the side of his face for several moments before it clicks. “Oh. _ Oh. _Wow. Is it just because the girls you’ve been with didn’t like it? Maybe if you just wrote a scene with just—”

“No, Rey. That isn’t it.”

His voice is so soft, and he looks like he could get up and bolt right now—and she wonders what has him so on edge. What could possibly make him—

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

She’s gaping a little. “So you’ve never…?” He shakes his head in response. “Wow.” She realizes her hand is still resting against his back. Is that weird? Would it be weirder to pull it away now? “Any particular reason?”

“No. Not really.”

“Are you really religious? I knew a guy once that—”

“No. I’m not particularly religious.”

She takes in his full mouth and his wide shoulders and his soft-looking hair and she just doesn’t _ get _it. “I just can’t believe that someone like you hasn’t—”

“I told you. Girls don’t normally… watch me.”

She isn’t sure if that makes her angry or if it just breaks her heart. She can hear his voice dripping with self-deprecation, see the defeated slump to his shoulders now, and does he _ really _ think he isn’t _ desirable? _ She chews on her bottom lip as seconds turns into minutes, the pair of them sitting in silence as she mulls over this information. 

“Maybe I should just go—”

“—I could do something about that.”

He turns his head to give her an incredulous look, his words cut off by her interjection. “What?”

She nods resolutely. “What if I wanted to… do something. About your problem.”

His jaw tenses. “I don’t—” He huffs out a breath. “I don’t want your pity.”

_ Pity? _ She blinks back at him. “Ben.” Her hand moves to his jaw, turning his face to look at her. “You think me touching you would be _ pity?” _

“I just… I mean _ look _ at you, Rey. Look at _ me.” _

“I _ am _ looking at you. I have been for awhile now… and I have _ absolutely _thought about touching you long before you told me any of this.”

He gapes at her, mouth parted and jaw slack—so _ surprised _ by this knowledge and so damned _ adorable, _ and she thinks to herself she _ definitely _wants to touch him. 

She takes the opportunity to lean in, watching his eyes widen further as she closes the distance between them, and she wonders to herself if this is a first, too. For some strange reason, the idea of no one else touching him, of it being all for _ her— _it’s heady in a way she couldn’t have anticipated.

He’s surprised, she thinks, when her mouth first touches his, which seems impossible given how deliberate her actions had been. For a moment she allows him to take it all in, her lips resting against his softly as her palm slides under his arm and down his ribs to flatten against his firm thigh. He groans when she squeezes lightly there, his fingers just grazing against her knees as if he’s holding himself back from really touching her. 

But then her tongue licks along the seam of his mouth, and Ben sort of loses it. 

He’s always so quiet, so _ reserved— _ so it definitely takes her by surprise when his arms curl around her waist to pull her against him. His kiss is unpracticed and hurried and just a little bit messy—but there’s a hunger to it, like he’s been thinking about doing this for _ days— _and it makes it easy to melt into it. His body is large and firm beneath hers, and she lets her hands curl around his biceps to grip there. For awhile she’s content to explore this, testing the pliancy of his lips and tongue with her own, feeling the hard planes of him under her hands—but there’s a growing situation somewhere beneath her, and she still finds herself wanting to remedy the oversight of so many women before her.

She breaks away from his mouth even as he attempts to chase after her, to pull her _back— _pressing her lips into his jaw, his throat, lower still to tug at his shirt collar and trace his collarbone. 

“I meant what I said,” she murmurs. “I’d like to remedy your ah, _ problem_.”

She hears him hiss out a breath when her tongue traces the pronounced bone just above his chest. “Rey… you don’t, _ ah—_you don’t have to—”

“I know I don’t. I still want to.”

He doesn’t look like he’s physically able to respond when she peeks back up at him—so she doesn’t wait for him to. She slides down his body to rest on the floor between his knees, running her hands up his thighs indulgently before finding the button of his jeans to run her fingers over it. Ben just watches her, looking like he has forgotten how to breathe, and she doesn’t tear her eyes away from his as she undoes the button to pull apart the denim. 

His black boxer-briefs are tight and clinging—doing absolutely nothing to hide the shape of him, and the shape of him is… _ something. _ She traces her finger over his straining length that tents the tight fabric, and she thinks to herself that it’s a goddamned _ travesty _that no one has ever touched him. 

“You’ll have to tell me—” Her fingers reach to hook into his underwear to tug. “—what you don’t like.”

His eyes are so dark they appear almost _ black, _and she watches as he swallows thickly. “Rey, I—I don’t think there’s anything you could do to me that I won’t like.”

She smiles at that, tugging a little harder as his cock springs free, and it’s _ massive _ with the way it bobs only inches from her face. She slides her palm around the width of him—watching him jerk against her skin as a little precum dribbles out. He half-whimpers when she slides her thumb there to collect it, and he _ whole- _groans when she brings that same thumb to her lips to lick it clean. 

“Rey, I—” He’s breathing a little harder now, and Rey _ really _likes how undone he already seems, only from this. “I won’t—I don’t think I can—if you touch me like that I’ll—”

“Shh.” She wraps her fingers around his cock, giving a slow stroke from base to tip and back down again. “I just want you to enjoy this. Don’t worry about anything else.”

The look on his face can’t be described as anything other than _ awe, _ and even though she’s never done this, been someone’s first _ anything— _ she finds she’s _ incredibly _ ecstatic to be his. She wants this to be _ incredible _for him. 

She watches his face as she leans in, as she unsheathes her tongue to lick a hot stripe up the length of him. His lips part and his breath catches, and his fingers dig into the cushions of her couch so tight she thinks he could tear a chunk out of it if he wanted. 

She explores the shape of him with her lips and tongue, discovering what makes him jerk with pleasure and what makes him lean into it as if chasing more. She knows that the chances are high he won’t last long when she gets him fully inside her mouth—so she takes the opportunity to tease him as much as she’s able. To learn every inch of him and make it last as long as she can. 

“Do you like this?” She sucks lightly at his shaft, decidedly _ not _nibbling as she makes her way to the head of him before she flicks her tongue against the slit there. “Tell me what you like.”

His answer comes in garbled stream of nonsense that she doesn’t mind in the slightest. His fingers trace her jaw, tease her hairline, and she can tell he’s holding back from touching her like he wants to. 

“You can touch me, Ben.” She closes her mouth around the head, pressing her lips tightly against the rounded end until the curved lip of his glans slips inside her mouth. He covers his face in his hands when she hollows her cheeks for a moment, releasing him with a soft _ pop _as he moans loudly. “I just want this to be good for you.”

“Rey, it’s—” He finally allows his fingers to slide into her hair, his head falling back against the couch. “If you keep doing that I’ll—”

“You can come when you need to.” She leaves a wet kiss at the tip of him as his fingers curl in her waves to grip tighter. “This is just for you.”

She finally takes him deep—lips sinking over his cock until her nose brushes against the coarse hair at the base, feeling him nudge at her _ throat _as she resists the urge to gag with how full of him she is. 

“Rey. _ Rey. _I can’t—I’m sorry, I—”

She holds him deep inside, brushing her tongue along the base of his shaft as she swallows around him, and that’s all it takes to reduce him to a series of groans and twitching limbs as hot warmth gushes over her tongue and down her throat. 

There’s a garbled stream of her name blending with _ I’m sorry _above her, and she breathes deep through her nostrils—refusing to pull away until his cock is still and heavy against her tongue. She lets him fall from her mouth when he finishes, licking him clean before she draws away to take in his spent form that is draped against her couch, taking in the way his chest heaves with effort. 

His cock twitches against her hand when she teases him with her fingers, still half-hard even with as much as he’s just come. She crawls up from the floor slowly, spreading her legs to straddle his thighs as she leans in to softly kiss at his jaw. “Was that okay?”

“Okay.” His voice is hoarse as he chuffs out a laugh. “That was… they don’t have a word for what that was.”

Her lips curl against his skin, and she feels his hands rest tentatively at her waist as she finds his mouth to brush her lips against his. 

“Do you think it’ll help your scene?”

He huffs as her mouth moves to trace the curve of his cheek, trailing upwards to his ear to tease the lobe like she’s thought about doing for a week. 

“_Ah.” _ His hands curl around her hips a little tighter, rocking forward as if by instinct. “ _ Rey.” _

“But what about the next scene, Ben? What about what comes after?” She grinds her hips down against his lap, feeling the heat of his cock through her leggings. “I could help with that, too.”

“Rey—you don’t have to—”

“I _ want _ to,” she murmurs against his ear, pulling at the lobe lightly with her teeth. She’s been thinking about what he would feel like inside her since she first saw him straining against his underwear. “ _ Believe _me, I do.” 

He turns his neck to give her better access. “Rey, are you—”

“Have you _ ever _touched a woman before?”

She ducks to press her lips to his pulse point—_ feeling _ it bob with a swallow. He lets out a heavy breath, trembling a little as her palm smoothes over his chest. “No,” he answers quietly. “I haven’t.”

She pulls away, watching his breathless expression as she reaches for her leggings. She pushes up in her knees as she works them down, taking her underwear with them as she works them off. When she leans back she can feel him now—hard again beneath her as she rocks forward to slide over his length. She feels him kicking away his shoes and jeans, leaving nothing but the warmth of his thighs underneath her. His hands move over the tops of hers, flexing lightly as if holding himself back. 

She lets her palms cover the backs of his hands, pressing down to feel the full weight of his touch. “You can touch me. I _ want _you to.”

“Can I—” His breath catches when her fingers tease upwards to trace his hip bones, inching up his shirt. “Can I see the rest of you?”

She grins as she ceases her touching, reaching instead for her own shirt as she slowly pulls it over her head. She wears nothing beneath it, and she likes the way his eyes darken further while he drinks her in. His hands hover over her belly—not quite touching but practically _ vibrating _with a need to do so.

“I said you could touch me,” she reminds him. 

He nods dazedly as he reaches to slide his thumb over her nipple, mouth parting when it pebbles with his touch. He tweaks his fingers to pinch her lightly, and she gasps softly with the contact. He covers her then—his large hand swallowing up the entire mound of her breast as she leans into it. 

“You’re so _ soft,” _ he breathes, flexing his hand to knead her. “You’re… _ perfect.” _

She thinks she could get used to the awe in his voice. She returns to her mission of ridding him of his own shirt, forcing him to release his hold on her as she tugs it up and over. She runs her hands up the lines of his abdomen, pushing upward to flatten over the hard planes of his chest. He is… _ just _as solid as she imagined. She sort of wants to trace these lines with her tongue—but Ben seems to have the same idea. 

He leans in, eyes flicking up to meet hers in question. “Can I?”

She reaches to run her fingers through his soft hair, threading through the strands as she nods. He doesn’t seem to need any more permission than this, ducking to wrap his lips around her nipple as he traces it softly with his tongue. His motions are testing and teasing, taking his time to explore her, leaving her squirming a little and wanting more. 

He begins to rock beneath her when his tongue becomes more insistent—his eyes closing and his cheeks hollowing as his hand circles her breast to squeeze, forcing more of her into his mouth. 

“_Ben_,” she whimpers. “That feels—”

She hears a deep hum in his chest—feels him suck just a little harder, a little _ deeper. _

“_Ben.” _

Her hands curl to grip his hair, shifting her hips to feel his cock sliding through her folds as she undulates above him, and for a moment she is lost to how good it feels, him touching her. 

But this isn’t how she wants him.

She tugs at his hair, pulling him away to meet his dazed look as he looks up at her from beneath his lashes. “I’m assuming you’re clean,” she tells him hoarsely. 

His brow furrows in confusion, eyes still dark and wide. “What do you mean?”

She can’t help but smile, thinking that’s as good an answer as any. She ducks to kiss him, murmuring against his mouth. “I want to feel you inside.”

“Are you sure that you”—his hands curl around her hips to squeeze as she slides over his hard cock—“want to do this? With me?”

“Ben.” She lets her fingers curl around his to bring his hand between her legs, lifting enough that he can push his fingers through her soaked folds. “Do you feel that? That’s because of you.” He drags his fingers back-and-forth to coat them in her. “I _ want _you, Ben.”

“Don’t we—_ah—” _He gasps in surprise when she reaches beneath her to fist his cock. “Don’t we need—”

“Birth control,” she mutters. “Wanna feel you.”

His cock is just there at her entrance, and she shifts her hips enough to let him catch there—hearing his sharp intake of breath. “_Rey.” _

Her name morphs into a groan as she begins to sink down, her own breath catching as she stretches around him. He’s so _big_ inside her, filling her up until she feels like she’s _ overflowing _ with him—and she just keeps _going. _

“_Fuck, _Ben.” She grits her teeth, taking him inside until there is no room left. “You barely fit.”

She feels him twitch deep inside, and she rotates her hips to feel more of him. His head lolls to rest against her shoulder, turning his face to bury it in her hair as his breath huffs against her throat. 

She traces her fingers down his spine, resisting the urge to move again. “How do you feel?”

“You’re so—” His breath shudders against her skin. “So _ wet, _ and _ warm—_it’s _ amazing.” _

She finds his temple to press her lips there. “Do you want to move?”

His hands cover her ribs to cling to her there. “I’m afraid if I move I’ll—I could come like this.”

“It’s okay.” She urges his face to tilt, covering his mouth sweetly. “I just want to make you feel good.”

“I’ve _ never _felt this good.”

“Move, Ben,” she half-whispers. “We can do this again if we have to. We’ve got all night.”

He groans as her tongue sweeps inside his mouth, thrusting up into her as if testing, pulling her tighter as her body jolts with the force of it. “_Fuck.” _

“That’s it,” she huffs. “Just like that.”

She grinds down to meet his next thrust, and he moans into her mouth as her thighs slap against his. “You feel”—he curves her spine under his hands to bring her flush against his chest—“_so good.” _ She closes her eyes as he finds his rhythm, just a little too hard and a little too eager but he’s so _ big _that he touches some place inside that leaves her breathless. “How do I—” His teeth find her shoulder to mouth there messily. “I want you to come, too. I want to feel it. Tell me what to do.”

She knows there is no possible way she has enough time to show him how to get her off. “I’ll show you. Next time. This is about you right now.” 

“But I want to—”

She brings her hand between them to press into her clit, rubbing there in a steady circle. He pushes away just enough to watch her touch herself, whimpering a little as her fingers _ just _brush against the base of him that jolts up into her. 

“Are you close?”

He bites his lip, nodding as his eyes flutter closed. “I’m sorry, I—”

She rocks her hips to meet his thrusts, feeling him hit so deep it makes her cry out. Her wrist moves frantically as she tries to get there—feeling him swell inside as his breath becomes labored and his thrusts grow a little erratic. 

“I’m going to come,” he almost whines. “I don’t want to, but I—”

She feels it building inside, feels herself nearly there—and she ducks to cover his mouth with hers as her tongue slides over his. She lets her hand curl around his nape as the other works her clit frantically, his thrusts reduced to a heavy _ push _ as if simply trying to go _ deeper. _

He grunts as his body begins to shake, and there’s a rush of warmth deep inside her as his cock pulses against her inner walls to flood her womb. His hands claw at her, trying to bring her as close as she’s physically able, her thighs trembling above his, and her cunt fluttering as that wave begins to crest—_ moments _away from washing over her.

She feels his lips at her jaw when she tips over the edge, a murmured chorus of _thank you_ and _feels so good_and a number of other awestruck praises sung into her skin as she quivers around him. She’s breathless after, gasping against his shoulder as his mouth trails lazily over every bit of her skin he can reach—so full of him that she feels it seeping out, sticky and wet between them. 

She turns her head to kiss at his jaw, smiling into his skin as she hums sweetly. “I think this will do _ wonders _for your writing.”

His laugh is choked and rough against her skin, and his expression is _ blissful _when he tilts his head back to look at her. 

“This is… definitely not how I expected this date to go.”

“You didn’t even teach me about Spirk.”

“I… can’t exactly find it in me to be sad about that.”

She’s still smiling when she leans to kiss him. “We’ve got time. The movie is still rented.”

His hands settle on her hips, sliding over her skin as he pulls her closer. “Do we—do we have to watch the movie?”

“_Ben.” _She can’t help but laugh, brushing his hair back and taking in the pink of his ears that makes her chest flutter. “Is there something else you’d rather be doing?”

He bites his lip, hiding a sheepish grin. “Sorry, it’s just—”

“Don’t be sorry,” she coos, her thumb tracing the shell of his ear. “The final frontier can wait.”

His brow knits. “Did you—?”

“Shipping Wiki.” She shakes her head in amusement. “You pick up a few things.”

“How are you _ real_?”

She doesn’t tell him that the feeling is mutual.

She doesn’t think she has to.

* * *

It’s probably the hundredth time in the last five months that she’s found him tucked away in a corner of the coffee shop where she works—long after the excuse of faulty WiFi was usable. 

She ignores the kissy noises Poe makes at her as she rushes from behind the counter for her break, sliding into the booth beside him as she loops her arms around his neck to pull her face to his. She kisses him in a way that will surely bring teasing from Poe later, but she can’t bring herself to mind when his arm curls around her to pull her against him. 

“Hi,” she says against his mouth. 

“Hi, back.”

She tucks herself into his side as she peeks at his laptop screen. “What did they think?”

He shrugs bashfully. “I think they liked it.”

“How many kudos have you gotten?”

He tucks his chin to his chest. “Three hundred.”

“You just posted it this morning!”

“It’s definitely the most I’ve ever gotten this fast.”

“Mm, you’re welcome.”

His eyes crinkle with his grin, his ears tinting pink—and she doesn’t have to resist the urge now. She simply reaches out to trace one with her finger as he shivers a little. 

In this short span of months Rey has consumed more Star Trek material than she ever imagined she would want to watch in a _lifetime—_and it’s still surprising to her, how much she likes it. She’ll never be quite the Trekkie that _ Ben _is by any means—but she knows enough to make him ridiculously horny with gratitude, and that’s more than enough for her. 

“I ah, definitely couldn’t have… gotten it down so accurately without your help.”

She beams back at him. “I am more than happy to work out the mechanics of any of your prompts.”

“I shouldn’t like it so much when you say stuff like that. Should I.”

She shrugs, smoothing her features into a blank look. “Why, Captain—I think it would be _ highly _illogical if you didn’t.”

She’s never seen a man look so deliriously happy as hers does in this moment. “I love you.”

“To infinity and beyond, baby.”

His brow furrows. “That’s Toy Story.”

“I love you, too, nerd,” she laughs.

His eyes light up and his face splits in a grin, and she finds herself _ immensely _ glad she chose this adorable penis enthusiast to people watch. Because it’s true, that Rey doesn’t normally care for people. That they have a way of letting you down. That it’s easier to stick to herself—but with Ben… she thinks she’d _ boldly go _anywhere he asked her to. 

Anywhere at all.

**Author's Note:**

>   
Gorgeous ending moodboard by curiousniffin on [twitter](https://twitter.com/curiousniffin)! 😍
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
Come say hi on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kylotrashforever)!  
I made a [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/KTF_Reylo), come follow me!


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